Dream of Reality
by HellieEllie
Summary: Richard Harrow/OC. Initially inspired by the short clip of Richard's dream sequence on the show. Takes place at the end of season 1.
1. The Beach

_Thanks for reading. This started as a simple idea but has grown a lot. Rated M for later chapters. Please feel free to leave a review._

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><p>The morning sun was shining brightly, though it didn't help to warm the air. A cool breeze came off the waves and tousled her unkempt hair. The color of the sun itself, the wild red curls fell down her back in strands. They sat on the beach, facing the ocean and the beautiful rising sun that she couldn't fully appreciate. Her focus was on the sand. She was digging her fingers and toes into the dirt playfully as he focused his attention on stroking her hair. She giggled while taking a fistful of sand and letting it flow through her fingers back onto the ground.<p>

"Ms. McGarry would be agast," she laughed and said in a mocking tone, "Proper young ladies do not sit in the dirt in their Sunday dress. Have you no shame?"

He smiled quietly as she continued to trace shapes in the sand. He knew the answer to that question though it did not need to be said. A curious lack of shame and proper ladylike manners were qualities that he'd enjoyed in her from the day they met. She'd said they'd faded along with her sight.

"Your mother would be so disappointed in you Lily," she continued to mock the inevitable disapproval of her caregiver. Ms. McGarry had taken Lily under her guidance when her biological mother had passed. It had only been a year since she'd been gone but Lily had adapted to living alone rather well, with help of course. Ms. McGarry, the head of the Women's Temperance League had been a good friend of Lily's mother, Helen. Protective to a fault, Helen had sheltered Lily for most of her 20 years.

Doctors discovered a degenerative eye disease when Lily was a teenager. They didn't know how long she had left at the time, but the darkness had come quickly. Afraid of what dangers the world held for a blind girl, Helen rarely let Lily out of the house, much less alone. The months since she'd passed were the most freedom Lily ever had. Though she would never speak it aloud, Lily relished the freedom. And Richard's company.

They'd met when he'd moved into the adjoining flat where Lily lived, near the boardwalk. He was gone often but they'd spoken pleasantries in passing. Ms. McGarry had warned her to stay away from this "strange man" as she'd called him. Her obvious disapproval had only made Lily more curious about him. She demanded to be told everything about this new man. He was tall with a medium build, dark hair, a polite yet awkward disposition and deep gravely voice. In hushed tones, Ms. McGarry had told Lily of Richard's condition. Though the war had not taken his life it had taken much from him. He'd lost his left eye and a portion of his jaw, leaving scars hidden under a crude tin mask fashioned by the army's doctors to cover his face. He'd been a handsome man at a time, though anyone who would know of it was far away and from a time he rarely spoke of.

His condition and the resulting discomfort of Ms. McGarry fascinated Lily. She was keenly aware of what it meant to make others uncomfortable in your presence. Though she could not see it, she could hear the awkward silences and uncomfortable shifting as she was introduced to new people who did not know if they should shake her hand when offered. She knew what it meant to be pitied. And she knew that she hated it.

"We should be going back now," Richard said as he rose, taking Lily's hand to walk her back home.

"No!" she said playfully pushing him away. "I want to stay."

"I like it here," she said in a more quiet and wistful tone. "I miss the ocean. I miss watching the waves come in."

Richard sat back down next to her as she put down her head, taking in the smell of the ocean and the sounds of the waves. Knowing he wasn't going to change her mind, he conceded and wrapped her shoulders in his jacket. He wasn't going to get this stubborn and willful woman to leave until she was ready, but he could at least make sure she was warm. Giving in to a moment of self-pity wasn't something that happened often for Lily, but it did happen. With a suddenness that surprised him, she tucked her head under his arm and wrapped her arms around him, nuzzling her head into his chest as they sat. He gently patted her shoulder as he felt her breath on his chest. Her hand, pressed flat against his chest, took in the softness of his shirt, the smell of the fabric and the sound of his beating heart. The closeness and intimacy of her touch made him uncomfortable, as it often did. For so long it had seemed that no woman would so openly desire being this close to him. He'd still not gotten used to it, even in the months they'd known each other.

She had become very tactile as her sight had gone and her freedom with touch often extended to people with whom she felt affection. As time had passed she'd become rather clingy with Richard. "Proper young ladies" of the time, as Ms. McGarry would say, didn't offer themselves to hug and caress quite so often, especially not in public where people may be watching. But what did Lily care of glances from strangers that she did not see?

With a sigh, she pushed away and stood up, dropping his coat to the ground. He scooped it up and took her arm. He looked into her distant green eyes as she stared blankly toward the ocean. Richard found her strikingly beautiful. Pale freckled complexion to go with wild ginger curls and perfect cupid's bow shaped lips. She was much shorter than him and had a curvaceous figure under her modest dress.

"I wanna go in the water," she stated as a matter of fact.

He smiled and laughed at her declaration, brushing a stray curl out of her face.

"I mean it. Don't laugh at me." She pulled away with a playful indignation.

"I'm not. I'm not laughing at you," he assured in a comforting tone. "But you cannot go in the water. It is freezing and you are not in the proper attire. Let's go home, okay?"

"No."

She smiled and bolted away from him, running straight ahead toward the water with no regard for what might be in her path. Bare feet kicked up sand as her long skirt flapped in the breeze. She hit the water's edge with a splash and didn't stop running until she was waist deep in the waves. Without hesitation or fear she held her breath and dove into the water to swim. She'd loved swimming as a child but hadn't been allowed near the ocean by her mother for many years. Not thinking she'd actually go very far, Richard had not given chase until he saw her go under water. A panic swept over his chest as he threw down his jacket and went into the ocean after her. But before he could get very far, she splashed up out of the water and stood soaking wet and totally lost for direction.

"Richard?" she said in a small voice.

"I'm here," he assured as he took her hand to escort her out of the water.

She began laughing at herself and the absurdity of the situation. Pulling him close she clung to him like a beacon of security in the dangerous waters. Breathing a frustrated sigh of relief, he held her shivering and stifling giggles into his chest.

"You are a very silly girl, you know that?" he asked.

"I think you can take me home now," she said grinning as water streamed down her face. He walked her to the beach, holding her shoulders as he followed behind her. An older couple gave the pair a sideways glance as they passed. Richard smiled awkwardly and nodded as to show that everything was under control. He'd do anything to protect her, whether she knew it or not. Richard had few personal pleasures in his recent life, and every moment with Lily counted among them.


	2. The Afternoon

They reached Lily's doorstep, still soaking wet. Though she was wrapped in his long woolen coat, he could feel her shivering as they held hands on the walk home from the beach.

"We're here," Richard said as he reached for the key to open the door. "You should get changed. And warmed up."

After fiddling with the keys for a moment, he opened the door and moved to lead her inside before taking his leave. Not that he wanted to go.

"I'm sorry I made you get your clothes all wet," she said sweetly as she offered to return his coat. "It was silly. I am silly. I get carried aw..."

"I wouldn't have it any other way," he interrupted, flatly.

She grinned and pulled him close, wrapping her arms around him as they stood in the doorway. He returned the affection and felt her dripping tangled mess of hair.

"Stay," she whispered into his chest.

He smiled a bit at the thought, holding her face in his hands. "I can't. I have commitments this afternoon and you need to wash the saltwater out of your hair."

His heart was torn, as it often was as of late. It was becoming more difficult to maintain a respectful distance. To treat this beautiful, vulnerable creature like a lady. To resist taking her up on this offer, peeling back the clinging layers of clothes and taking her right there in the doorway. But he wouldn't. He couldn't let down the wall, though it was slowly beginning to crumble. It wasn't about the sex. Sex can be easy. Cold and empty. This was about love and it scared him more than anything. It had been so long since he'd allowed himself to care for someone so deeply.

After the war, he'd run away from what little family and friends he had left. He was a changed man and couldn't go back. It had broken his sister's heart but she didn't understand so he felt it easier to just disappear. He'd contact her when it felt right and on his terms. But he couldn't be the brother she wanted, the one she remembered. She wouldn't even recognize him.

And this new man, the one standing in this doorway, wasn't supposed to be capable of love. He was a killer, for the sake of war and now for money. He'd given up on caring for others. People feared him, and why shouldn't they? The months in various hospitals during and after the war. The pain and fear, the surgeries followed by an empty emotionless acceptance of his fate. His thoughts had grown dark and stayed that way. He'd seen the worst in humanity. He'd been it. What else did he have to offer?

He thought that might love her but he wasn't sure if he remembered how. Or if he deserved it at all.

"You'll come back then? Later? I'll make tea." She didn't want to beg, but she didn't want to be alone either.

"I will."

She smiled and stood on the tips of her toes, pulled him down to her level and gently kissed him on the cheek. The one made of flesh and blood. The part of him that was still human. She lingered there a moment, running her fingers through his hair, across his neck and back down to his chest. Her touch was slow and sincere, as it always was. He ran his hands down her shoulders and arms before breaking away to leave.

"Goodbye Lily."

"Thank you for taking me to the beach, Richard."

She closed and locked the door behind him, navigating her way out of the cold, uncomfortable clothes and into the bathtub. Inside her home was the only place she was comfortable being alone, though she didn't always want to be. It was small and she had the layout memorized to minute detail. The water was warm and she slunk down into it letting her hair float around in waves. Her thoughts turned to him as she washed the salt and sand away. He was always so kind, patient and gentle with her, she couldn't imagine why Ms. McGarry disapproved of him so much. Could it really just be because of his appearance?

"What a shallow woman," she thought to herself. "She must really believe that I should be alone forever. That I'm incapable of making my own choices. That I am entirely unlovable because of my state. That he is entirely unlovable!"

She kicked the water in frustration. Taking a deep breath and exhaling slowly, she tried to let it go. There was no sense in worrying about such things. In worrying about what that uptight woman thought anyway. She smiled and tried to focus on more pleasant thoughts as she worked the shampoo through her hair. His hands. She always enjoyed the way they felt. Strong and rough, as it seemed a man's should. What had started as an innocent curiosity had progressed fairly quickly to an insatiable crush and possibly something more. She wasn't well versed in what it meant to be in love and didn't care very much for if she was doing it correctly. She wanted to be with him every minute and to know him better. If anyone understood what it meant to be her, it was Richard. He held no pity or judgment, only respect and affection for her. He didn't say much but when he did it usually was just the perfect thing. Discussing his past, his family and much less, the war was something that seemed off limits. Not that it made her want to know any less. She'd chip away at him, as long as it took. This battle of wills she knew she'd win, eventually.

Leaving the bath she dried and dressed herself in fresh clothes. The afternoon was spent uneventfully, taking lunch with nosy Ms. McGarry and dodging questions about why there were wet clothes on her floor. She waited impatiently for Richard to return but the day passed to evening and he did not. Resigning that something must have come up that required his attention, she sulked and changed into her bedclothes. Though not yet tired, she curled up in bed and listened to music on the phonograph. The sound made it feel less lonely in the house.

A knock at the door startled her out of bed. She rushed to the door and asked, "Who is it?"

"It's me, Richard."


	3. The Drink

Lily swung open the door and immediately invited him in. As she went to give him a hug, he awkwardly wrapped his arms around her while trying to hold a bag in each hand. The pair made their way inside and he placed the bags on the kitchen table.

"What kept you?" she asked, trying not to sound upset. "And what have you got there?"

Richard was never very forthcoming about how he spent his time when they were apart and what exactly he was taking care of when he was off with "work." All she knew is that he helped the mistress of his boss Nucky look after her children when it was required. Details of the arrangement he kept to himself. He still wasn't much for lying, so it was easier just to say nothing and dodge questions. The thought of this man as a glorified nanny never quite made sense to Lily, but she didn't argue. It was a nice thought, and he'd often share with her tales of his time with them. He had grown fond of Mrs. Schroeder and her children Teddy and Emily. It had taken a bit of time and persuasion for them to warm up to his presence, but as of late they'd enjoyed seeing the "tin man."

She heard rustling as he reached into one of the bags, pulled out a bottle and placed it in her hands.

"What's in it?" she asked, feeling the cold glass shape.

"Wine."

"Isn't that against the rules?" she asked with a mischievous tone. She'd never been allowed to partake of alcohol before, especially in Ms. McGarry's care. In fact, she would very heartily disapprove, which made Lily want to try it even more.

"I want a taste," she demanded with a giddy smile.

"In a minute. Have a seat." He took the bottle from her and placed in on the table. She pouted and listened as he continued to dig presents out of the bags. He guided her into a chair and stood in front of her as he opened a box of truffles.

"What is it?" she asked impatiently, pawing at his hands and trying to ruin the surprise. He laughed softly at her and skillfully dodged her grasp.

"Stop it now. Hands in your lap."

"Oh this isn't fair!" she protested for a moment before conceding to his wishes. He brushed a curl behind her ear and ran a thumb over her lips to gently open her mouth. She followed his lead as he placed the small bit of chocolate into her mouth. Letting out a stifled squeal of delight she bounced in her seat as she enjoyed the treat. Seeing her take pleasure in such a small thing melted what ice was left in his heart. She was beautiful, joyful and he thought, the most perfect thing in his life.

"Oh my goodness," she sighed, wiping her lips with her fingers. "That was amazing! Where did you get it?"

Turning back to the bags he pulled out a large flat box from the dress shop and placed it in her lap.

"Richard! What is this? You shouldn't..."

"Open it," he said, guiding her hands with his to work the lid off of the box. Throwing it to the side he stepped back and let her discover the contents without his help.

Staring blankly forward, she felt around in the box with both hands, pulling back layers of tissue paper to discover pure silk. She grasped the fabric and pushed the rest of the box and contents away, pulling out a long silk robe that, though she couldn't see it, was a delicate shade of blue. He was always keen to shop with senses other than sight, so he would find things that Lily could appreciate fully. She loved soft flowing fabrics, flowers and scents of perfume and all manner of sweets. His job, if you could call it that, with Nucky Thompson paid well and he loved having the ability to lavish her with gifts. With little wants of his own, he enjoyed making her happy any way that he could.

"Oh Richard," she said wistfully as she slowly ran the fabric through her fingers, delicately tracing the pure white lace edges. "I love it."

Standing from her seat, he helped wrap the robe around her shoulders and guide her arms into the sleeves. It went beautifully with the simple white slip of a nightgown she was wearing. He guided the ribbon that went around the waist and tied it into a bow in the front.

"Thank you," she grinned, tugging his shirt collar to bring him down to her level so that she could hug him around the neck. Grazing his cheek with a peck of a kiss, they pulled apart and she repeated, "Thank you."

"You really shouldn't have," she insisted, feigning humility.

He grabbed the bottle of wine, began to open it and pour into a small simple glass from the kitchen that looked wholly unsophisticated holding the wine.

"Now only take a taste," he warned as he placed the glass into her hand. "It's very strong and if you drink too much, I promise. You will regret it in the morning."

She gingerly took the cup and sniffed the strong, sweet smell. It felt exciting and rebellious to even be thinking of having a drink. She slowly lifted the glass to her lips and took a sip. It was thick and tasted unlike anything she was used to.

"Oh," she coughed and giggled. "It's vile! People drink this on purpose?"

He smiled at her reaction. "They do."

"Well then." Lifting the glass, she took back the rest of the contents like a shot. She sputtered and gagged as the warmth flowed down her throat. Rather amused with herself, she gave a twisted grin at Richard, who really should have known better than to tell her not to do something. He'd learn, eventually.


	4. The Kiss

He enjoyed Lily's streak of unpredictability, even though it could make him uncomfortable at times. Richard was always of a more slow and deliberate sort, even before the war. But after, dealing with the anxiety and the nightmares had made him retreat into even more of a guarded state. Being constantly aware that people were made uncomfortable by his appearance didn't help.

Lily was the magic ingredient, the thing he never expected. She wouldn't, or rather couldn't, be phased by his appearance and she chose to not be phased by anything else. Not his awkward demeanor or broken voice. She was the only person around whom he could totally relax and be at his best and for that he was so thankful. He got to play the conquering hero, guiding her though the darkness in her world. He got to play the gift giver, making her smile with things that were otherwise meaningless to him. But he still wanted more.

He'd kept their relationship mostly secret only to himself. Even his most trusted friend, Jimmy Darmody, who'd brought him from Chicago to Atlantic City didn't know of Lily. He'd wanted to thank Jimmy for being a part of the string of fate that had brought him to her. But he knew better. He wasn't in Atlantic City to look after children for a powerful man's mistress even if that had been part of the deal. The world that he lived in wasn't as simple as he'd like it to be. As simple as he could pretend it was when bringing gifts to Lily at night.

She inched forward toward him after setting the empty glass on the table. He sat in front of a distant gaze as she placed her hands on his shoulders and ran them down his arms. She broke the moment of silence with a jolt.

"You don't have to buy me things to make me love you. I already do."

He was shocked by her declaration and honesty. She'd never said that word before. Love. It sunk into his chest. Drawing her in closer by the waist, she stood between his legs as he sat, as close as she could get. He didn't have the words so he couldn't say anything. He just sat there as she moved her hands to his face and began to trace slow, delicate kisses from his forehead to chin. She smiled, pressed against the scratchy stubble on his cheek. She worshiped him with kisses for what felt like forever as she worked her way to his ear, chin and neck.

He pressed his lips together and swallowed harshly as she broke away and began to touch the wretched tin mask delicately with her fingertips. She'd always been curious but had never pushed to have him allow her to "see" it. It was a sensitive subject, and to have her acknowledge it like this was an uncomfortable reminder of who he'd rather not be. He didn't push her away as she traced the edge of the metal with her fingers and lightly touched the scars that peeked out the side. The smile left her face as she took a more serious tone with her touch. She traced her thumb across his soft lips halted by the transition to hard metal.

Studying her face, he quietly awaited the next move. Unsure if he'd slap her away or allow it to happen, she began to remove the mask with a delicate reverence. He opened his mouth to protest but the words didn't make it out before she had it off and in her hands. She discarded it on the table like garbage and quickly moved back in to continue along her favorite path for kisses. Her soft lips and warm breath teased his skin as her hands began to work at the buttons of his shirt. She touched recklessly across his shoulders, neck and back towards his face. Trying not to be too harsh, he snatched her hand out of the air as it began to stray toward the parts of his face he still did not wish her to "see."

She broke away abruptly. "I'm sorry."

"No. No...," he protested, regretful at breaking such a nice moment. "It's just..."

"I understand," she answered. "I do."

He put his hands on her hips and drew her close again, feeling the soft silk of her new robe between his fingers. A small smile crossed her lips as she untied the ribbon around her waist and began to slide the robe off of her shoulders. She caught it with her hands as it fell from her back and placed it on the table with the other remnants of their evening. He swallowed again harshly as he watched her drop the straps and wiggle out of her slip of a nightgown. It hit the ground in a puddle of white satin and left her standing naked before him for the first time. He took in the sight of her pale skin, lightly dusted with freckles, the curve of her waist, soft stomach and thighs. A few strands of wild red curls cascaded down her chest that she brushed back behind her shoulders as she stood awaiting a response. It seemed unfair that she would not get to see the longing that was written all over him.

"Richard."

"Yes," he replied as he placed a hand upon her hip and trailed slowly down her side.

"Am I beautiful? I mean. Do you find me attractive? Ms. McGarry sometimes will tell me that I've become a lovely woman, but I can't even remember."

He struggled for a moment with how to respond. What a tragic thing to say? He guessed they both had their crosses to bear.

"Lily, you are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen," he stated as a matter of fact that was entirely true. "I think... that I love every bit of you."

Smiling and pleased with his response, she climbed into his lap in the chair. An awkward kiss landed on his torn and broken lips but it did not phase their affections. She fumbled more frantically to free him from his shirt, pushing buttons and suspenders to the side. When he made moves to help, she pushed his hands away defiantly, enjoying the exercise of exploring his body. She wanted to know every inch of him and without the luxury of vision, that meant an endless flow of touch under which he was driven mad. He held his hands steady on her thighs as she began to work at the buttons of his trousers. She let out a startled laugh as pushed to stand up and carry her into the bedroom. He was strong and carried her with ease, laying her to rest on top of messy embroidered blankets where she'd be laying earlier that evening longing for his return.

As they made love, the walls continued to crumble and Richard felt closer to her than anyone else in the world. He wanted to drink in the taste of her, the smell, the sight and never have to leave it. She clawed at his back with short fingernails, drawing him in closer as if they would meld into one being. They both took their time, exploring and enjoying each other's bodies for what felt like an eternity, until with a whimper and a gasp the lovers collapsed, satisfied.


	5. The War

They lie in bed, drifting to sleep as Lily draped herself across him, wearing only her new silk robe. They both thought about how nice it was to not be going to sleep alone as they had done so many nights before. In the silence, she could hear only his breathing and a breeze rustling the curtains. She sighed and swallowed hard, using his chest as a pillow.

"Richard?" she said in a sheepish whisper.

"Yes?" She listened to his reply in a deep echo through his skin. Sighing again she pushed herself up and sat next to him on the bed, crossing her legs. He could hardly see her in the dark, with only the light streaming in from a lamp in the other room. Something was on her mind, he could tell.

"Is something wrong?" he wondered aloud.

"No, no," she paused, trailing off and fiddling with the fabric of her robe. "I mean..."

He took her hand gently and motioned for her to lie back down and go to sleep. "Whatever is troubling you, I'm certain it can wait until morning. Yes?"

She ignored his suggestion, biting her lip. "Will you ever tell me about..."

"About what dear?"

"About the war. About what happened there. I want you to share these things with me. I want to know."

"Lily," he answered patiently. She had no idea of what she was asking. He could describe it to her. He could describe it in great detail. But he would not do that to her. It's not something you can fully understand without having been there. And he thought it was certainly something a young woman should not be burdened with. This was a past he could share with Jimmy, but not with her.

"Please lie down and rest. You must be tired."

"Why won't you tell me?" she asked, though deep down she already knew the answer.

"Lily. Please," he replied lovingly.

"When I think about it, I try to understand. I try to understand the whole thing of it and I can't. The violence. That someone would hurt you. They did though. Someone did..."

"Lily," he interrupted. She was venturing into a dark place that he did not want to revisit. A dark place he hadn't left. He was no innocent victim. He was a killer and was good at it. And he wasn't finished with it when the war ended. It was what he was trained to do and he'd rather not give thought to what it meant in the grand scheme of things.

"I just...," she continued to spill her heart, not allowing him to dismiss or cut her off. "I mean... I have no one to blame for my condition. It just happened. As nature and God allows. I can get angry about it, but there's really no one to be angry with. But Richard, are you not angry with someone? Whoever it was?"

He waited quietly for a moment. "No."

"Well, in truth, sometimes I do get angry with God. I know it's not right, but I do. So maybe I can just be angry for the both of us?"

Though frustrated and disappointed with his refusal to open up, she gave in and curled back up next to him. She wrapped her arms around him tightly and nuzzled her head into his chest. He stroked her hair and arms lovingly as he waited for her to relax and go to sleep. He tried not to think any more of the questions that she was asking, knowing that it was just an innocent curiosity and caring for him that drove her to dig up the past. The fact that she couldn't understand it was exactly what he loved about her, and he wasn't going to ruin that if he could help it.

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><p>Morning came too soon and the sun shone in through the curtains onto Lily who was still asleep, on top of the blankets she'd kicked off in the night. She looked so peaceful with a mane of red curls sprayed across the pillow. Richard had woken much earlier and was in the kitchen, trying not to make too much noise as he dug through pots and pans while making breakfast. He smiled as he glanced through the doorway that led into the bedroom where his lover slept. The moment was interrupted abruptly with the sound of a car pulling up and parking in front of the row of apartments. Richard went to the window to see who it might be outside and recognized a familiar car and face. Looking slightly agitated, Jimmy rushed toward the door that was Richard's flat next to Lily's. Before Richard could put on his shirt and mask, Jimmy was banging at the door so loudly he could hear it from inside the room next door.<p>

"What is it?" he stepped out of the door, startling Jimmy who wasn't expecting him to be in the neighboring apartment.

"We need to talk." Jimmy rushed over to Richard with a sense of urgency. He glanced inside the door and saw inside Lily's homey looking apartment. It was lovingly decorated and looked rather lived-in compared to Richard's bare-bones accommodations. He barely had more than some clothes, a bed and his gun collection. Seeing Richard come out of this house, in the middle of cooking breakfast, looking almost domestic was a bit of a shock. His face twisted in obvious confusion.

"What is it?" Richard asked again. If Jimmy was looking for him it must be important. They spent little time together socially. Their connection was mostly business since they'd come to Atlantic City. Business that consisted of doing the dirty work for Nucky Thompson. Recently that had meant attempting to hunt down the D'Alessio brothers, a rival gang who been set out against Nucky.

Abruptly, Jimmy let himself in the door, motioning for Richard to follow him and shut the door. They couldn't discuss this business out in the open. He eyed the placed up and down, noticing everything including the white silk nightgown lying on the floor by the kitchen table. His friend had been keeping secrets of some sort.

"We're going to Philly," he said, looking back to Richard.

"When?" Richard asked in a hushed tone, shushing Jimmy to do the same.

"Now."

"Richard?" a woman's voice asked from the other room. Lily had heard the noise and gotten out of bed to see who was at the door. She stood in the doorway to the bedroom, looking disheveled having just woken up, still wearing only her new robe that was immodestly falling open. Jimmy raised an eyebrow at the young woman and smiled thinking that Richard seemed to have done well for himself, which came as a surprise. Nervously, Richard rushed over to Lily and pulled her robe closed, tying the waist closed in the front.

She casually gave him a hug and asked, "Is someone here?"

Jimmy thought it seemed an odd question, as it was obvious that he was standing right there.

"Um, yes, um, Lily," Richard said, taking her hand and leading her over to Jimmy. "This is Jimmy. We, um, work together." He tripped over the words, as he always did when nervous, though rarely when he was alone with Lily. He wasn't pleased that they were meeting like this, rather than on his terms, when he was ready.

"Oh...," she said, extending her hand out to him aimlessly. "I'm sorry. I wasn't expecting a visitor."

It took a moment but Jimmy put the pieces together. He gently shook the hand of the young blind woman and gave yet another confused look to Richard.

"My apologies. I don't mean to intrude but I need to speak to Richard this morning about something important. Business related." He knew how to cake on the charm when needed.

"No. No need to apologize. Stay. I can make breakfast if you like?" she offered politely. "I just need to get dressed."

"I can't stay. I just need to speak to Richard. Thank you for the offer though, Lily. And it's nice to meet you."

Jimmy went toward the door so that he and Richard could leave and discuss the matter of Philly in private. Richard scrambled to put on his shoes and get ready to leave. He quietly asked Jimmy for a moment alone with Lily to say goodbye before leaving. Jimmy gave him a "hurry up" motion and went to wait next door.

"I'm sorry. I have to go," he explained to Lily who had wiggled her way into his arms. He stroked her messy hair and face.

"Why? Where are you going?" she pouted at the thought, not wanting him to leave.

"I'll be back in a couple of days."

"Days!"

"I'm sorry. Breakfast is half done. You'll have to have it without me. I'm sorry." He truly hated the timing of this particular call, but refusing wasn't really an option.

"I'll miss you," she said, pulling him down to kiss his cheek.


	6. The Secret

Richard grabbed his shoes and went out the door with the slightest bit of reluctance. Jimmy needed him and he knew what for, though they hadn't discussed the details. But the moment he closed the door to Lily's apartment, he closed off the part of him that wanted to stay there with her. He closed off the part of him that wanted to sit and have breakfast with this beautiful woman that he loved. To have a normal life. But it wasn't entirely possible. It just wasn't going to happen and the fantasy of it disappeared as soon as he left her. It was nothing new. Turning off his emotions like a light switch was a skill Richard had well mastered. You had to, in order to do the things he did. To kill in war and to kill for money. If it bothered him even a moment, you'd never know. That's what made it easy to keep it all from her.

They met at the door and he let Jimmy into his apartment. It was as plain as the day he moved in. Just the essentials. A modest kitchen in which he rarely cooked, a small bed and a chest of drawers filled with clothes underneath which hid an arsenal of weapons. He'd always been fascinated with guns and the military gave him the opportunity to become an expert with them.

Jimmy pulled out a cigarette and lit it, not bothering to sit. He pulled two photographs out of his jacket pocket and handed them to Richard. His targets. This time it was a young man, probably in his twenties and a teenage boy. Jimmy shifted uncomfortably as he smoked. He'd not wanted to go after the kid, but that was part of the deal. The D'Alessio's had proven to be more than just a minor annoyance and had to be put down, all of them, even the youngest brother. Richard eyed the photo and back to Jimmy a couple times before pocketing it and getting down to discussion of details.

After taking the food off the stove, Lily went to sit at the kitchen table and eat. As she sat in the chair, she felt Richard's coat hanging on the back of it where he'd left it the night before.

"Oh no," she said to herself. She grabbed the coat off of the back of the chair, straightened her robe and went to return it to Richard before he could leave town. Still barefoot and in her pajamas, she walked quietly up to Richard's door, clutching his coat. Not sure if he had already left or if they were inside, she stopped herself before knocking at the door. Impulsively, she decided rather than knocking she would listen at the door and see if they were still there. When she heard the two men's voices, curiosity clouded her better judgment and she pressed closer to the door so that she could overhear them better. Richard wouldn't tell her what he was doing most of the time, so why shouldn't she find out on her own?

She stood there for a moment, putting together the pieces, before her heart sank into her stomach. Though she couldn't make out the details, she overheard enough to understand what was going on. There was talk of Philadelphia, a pair of brothers with orders on their heads, guns and money. Lily gasped quietly to herself and turned her back to the door, trying not to make any noise as she became choked for breath. Her heart felt as if it was going to beat through her chest as she began to panic. Trying to step quietly, she ran back to her apartment and shut the door quietly. She locked it behind her and sank to the ground, still holding Richard's jacket. It couldn't be true. Maybe she misunderstood? Tears started to fall before she could finish rationalizing and trying to make excuses. It was fairly clear. He was trading blood for money. How could he do such a thing? This kind, gentle man she'd come to know. To kill for war she could almost understand, though he'd never speak of it with her. But to kill for money felt worse than wrong.

Trying to catch her breath, she buried her face in the scratchy fabric of Richard's woolen coat. It smelled like him. Pomade, aftershave and hints of smoke. Like this man who she thought she loved, but wasn't sure now if she knew him at all.

* * *

><p>Richard saw Jimmy off and left Atlantic City with his orders. He found the brothers easy enough with the directions given and carried out his orders with the icy precision he'd be trained to use. It wasn't personal, though the fact that these brothers had been responsible for taking a shot at Nucky that nearly hit Margaret surely helped to quash any guilt. Had they hurt the only other woman who'd been kind to him, it may have been personal as well as business. He made quick work of it and was on his way back home nearly as soon as he'd arrived. The money would be good, as Jimmy had promised. Actually, he had plans for it already. Plans that he hoped would make Lily quite happy.<p>

On the train back home he stared out the window, trying to avoid eye contact with any of the other passengers. You'd think he would get used to the uncomfortable stares after a while, but he hadn't. Tuning out the sound of a mother and daughter whispering across the aisle, he clutched a bag in his lap and kept the other firmly between his feet. The guns used to make him feel secure, but today it was thoughts of Lily that kept him focused. He missed her smile and the feel of her skin against his. He imagined her excitement at his return and grinned to himself at the thought of making love to her again. And of not having to rush away the morning after. He fell asleep smiling and slept the rest of the train ride home.

* * *

><p>The days during Richard's absence hadn't been as easy for Lily. She was so heartbroken, she'd barely left the bed. She dreaded his return and didn't know what she would say or do. Would she pretend nothing had happened or confront him and demand the truth? Her heart wanted to pretend it wasn't true. She wanted to let him lie to her and make herself believe it so she could hold him again. But her pride wanted to scream out the truth. She wanted to hit him and scream out how disgusted she was. The emotions flooded and changed by the moment.<p>

A knock came at the door and she was afraid to answer. Wearing only her nightgown and Richard's oversized coat as she'd been doing since he left, Lily went to the door and called out, "Who is it?"

"It's Ms. McGarry. Lily, let me in young lady."

She sighed in both frustration and relief as she opened the door.

"What is it, ma'am?"

"Lily. What are you wearing? You look an absolute mess. I haven't seen or heard from you in days, I was beginning to worry."

Lily tried to smooth her tangled mop of hair and wipe away the wetness from her cheeks. She thought that she must look pretty silly wearing a man's jacket like this.

"I'm fine," she replied, trying to shut the door on her prematurely.

"You most certainly are not. Are you sick? Do you need me to make you some soup?"

Ms. McGarry pushed her way in to the apartment and took Lily by the shoulders as she guided her toward the couch to sit down. They sat together and Ms. McGarry brushed hair out of Lily's face and lifted her chin.

"Lily, please. If you aren't ill, what is troubling you? Is it your mother? You miss your poor dear mother don't you?"

"No ma'am, no. That is not it at this moment," Lily replied, choking back the urge to begin crying again. Though she was way too nosy and often very annoying, Ms. McGarry meant well and did care for Lily.

"Well dear, you can tell me what it is that's troubling you so."

"I'm not going to discuss it. I'm sorry," Lily said with what resolve she could muster.

"Well alright then darling," she stood and patted Lily on the head. "You'll at least let me make you lunch. I insist."

"Thank you." Lily lie down on the couch, mind wandering as Ms. McGarry made her a sandwich in the kitchen. She worked quickly and returned with the food for Lily, practically forcing her to eat it. She had her suspicions about what might be going on, but against her natural instincts, didn't continue to pry. She watched the young woman eat and if the jacket was any indication, she theorized that Lily had her heart broken by this Mr. Harrow. She'd seen him coming around more often as of late and didn't like it one bit. But she thought she could save the "I told you so" for later.

Lily finished her food and sat on the couch with her head in her hands, red curls falling all around. She felt like an absolutely pathetic fool.

"Let's get you cleaned up, alright? I'll start a bath."

She didn't have the energy to put up a fight so Lily just waited as she heard the water running in the bathroom. Ms. McGarry fussed with finding a clean towel and setting out a set of clean clothes on the bed before leading Lily to the tub and urging her to get in. She undressed, dropping the coat and her nightgown to the bathroom floor.

"I'll leave you with this. Feel better soon darling and please come and visit me."

"I will. Thank you."

Lily sunk into the water and let the warmth wrap around her. It was a comforting feeling, to try and wash away the sorrow. She grabbed the soap and washed her face and hair, taking her time with it. Only getting out of the bath once the water got cold, Lily dried herself off and sat on the bed wrapped in a towel. She cringed as she ran a brush through her hair, tugging at the tangled curls. Her progress was interrupted by another knock at the door.

Getting up abruptly, she went to the door and called out "What is it Ms. McGarry?"

A familiar voice answered through the closed door, "It's Richard."


	7. The Truth

She hesitated a moment with her hand on the doorknob, not yet knowing if she would open it or not. With a sigh, she unlatched the lock and turned the handle. Cracking the door a few inches, she allowed him to enter before turning away to go to the bedroom.

"Hello, Lily," Richard said with a smile as she walked away, confused at her cold greeting. He could hardly remember a time when she hadn't greeted him with a smile and a hug. It was rather out of character and he was immediately concerned.

"I'll just be a minute," she said as she closed the door to the bedroom, leaving Richard waiting in the living room alone. Leaning on the door as it closed behind her, she tried to steady her nervous breath. The emotions were flooding again and she wasn't sure of her next move. Fumbling for clean clothes, she dressed and finished running a brush through her hair as she thought. She sat on the edge of the bed for a moment, head in hands, trying to gather strength. Soon enough though, the sadness began to turn to defiant anger. She was livid with him and was never good at concealing her emotions.

"Is everything alright in there, Lily?" he asked, knocking at the door.

"Yes," she lied, "Yes."

Turning the knob slowly, he opened the door to peer inside before deciding to enter the room. He made his way over to Lily, still sitting at the foot of the bed solemnly. Lifting her chin and petting her curls he took in the sight he'd been dreaming of on the train.

"I've missed you," he said leaning down to give an awkward peck on her forehead. "I've thought of nothing else since I've been gone."

Jerking away from his touch, she gave no response. He pulled his hands away abruptly, sensing her frustration. Silently, he stood for a moment, working up the nerve to ask what was troubling her.

"What's wrong, Lily? Is something the matter?" He shifted uncomfortably, fidgeting his fingers, unable to imagine what might be the problem.

She continued to sit quietly rocking, pressing her lips together and twirling a curl in her fingers. Searching for words, she decided to finally respond.

"Nothing. How was your trip?" she feigned interest, though not very well.

Richard sat on the bed next to her, gently taking her hand in his, awaiting her reaction.

"It was fine."

She pulled away again, clasping her hands together in her lap. The rejection stung him like a knife. They sat for a moment in silence as he looked away and contemplated leaving without any further discussion. He'd become so accustomed to not being treated like the unwanted, untouchable miscreant that nearly everyone saw him as. She was his haven from all of it and now, the woman with whom he'd shared the very bed they sat on only a few nights earlier would not even touch his hand.

"What did you do on your trip?" she asked in a cold, flat tone.

"Just work, for Jimmy. He needed my help with something," he answered, dancing on the knife's edge of lies, as he always did.

"What sort of work, Richard?" she spat his name with unveiled contempt.

"Lily, I don't understand..."

"What sort of work, Richard?" she interrupted again in the same tone.

He got up from the bed, confused, and stood before her with a quiet desperation that she couldn't see. Standing there silently, he watched the pain wash across her face. She began to breathe more heavily, her skin turning a pale pink as her eyes turned bloodshot and a tear fell down her cheek. He felt utterly helpless, not knowing what he'd done to upset her or what to do to comfort her.

"Who was it?" she choked out, not trying to hide the tears any longer.

Richard's mind raced as he tried to piece together what she was getting at.

"Lily," he said with a broken, pained voice, "if you believe that I've been unfaithful. I can assure you that I have not."

He knelt on the ground before her and placed his hands on her knees. His touch was so familiar, so loving, it was painful. Pushing his hands away violently she was unhinged.

"Don't touch me!"

Shocked, he stood and turned to leave. This was not how their reunion was meant to go. He'd left a woman who loved him, who he loved, and had returned to a different person sitting before him. Or maybe he was the one who was different, he wasn't sure.

"Who did you kill?" she asked in a weak, broken voice.

"What?" he turned back to her, in shock and shame. There was no way that she should know what had happened. There was no way she could ever understand what he'd done. That he'd done it, in part, for her.

"You think I'm naïve, and maybe I am. I haven't... experienced things like you have Richard. I know this. But I overheard you. I don't have to know everything to understand what he asked you to do. What you agreed to do. You must think me such a fool."

The words came like a flood of truth. She spilled her heart to him in a broken wash of tears. Richard's heart sank to his stomach. Two worlds had collided and he couldn't deny the truth to himself any longer. It felt like a fantasy, and maybe that was all that it had been.

"Lily," he begged with an air of desperation.

"I want you to leave." The words came slowly and painfully.

He stood there for a moment in silent shock before going back to Lily and kneeling in front of her where she sat.

"Lily," he proceeded slowly and carefully with his words. "No matter what it is that I've done, I would never hurt you. I could never. I love you. Every moment I've spent with you has been the happiest of my life. You've given me something I thought I'd never have."

He spoke with such a kind, gentle sincerity that it broke her heart. Yes, he'd been a liar, but this wasn't one of those times. He spoke the truth to her now. There was no doubt. She wanted to scream, to hit him, to assault him with questions. Why? How? But it wasn't worth it. Nothing would make it go away and she didn't know if she was capable of forgiving him.

"Please go," she whispered.

He stood to leave and stared at her for a moment. He might be able to explain it all away but it wouldn't be worth it to continue to hurt her further. Defeated, he gathered his coat and hat and let himself out of her apartment as she sat silently, staring blankly into the distance.

Standing outside of the door, he dug into his pocket and pulled out a small red velvet box. The spoils of war. He'd spent nearly all the money from the Philly job on what was inside. Staring at it for a moment, he put it away and went home to a life he wasn't sure he wanted any longer.


	8. The Gift

Time passed slowly, days jumbled together in what felt like a haze. Lily had become reclusive and stopped letting Ms. McGarry in when she would try to visit. Earlier when she'd come by Lily had turned her away calling her a "nosy old bat." She'd come inside to find Lily disheveled and drunk, having finished the entire bottle of wine that Richard had brought to her as a gift. She still hated the taste but was learning what it meant to try to wash your troubles away. Ms. McGarry had left incensed and ashamed of the ungrateful young woman.

The next morning Lily woke to the sound of a knock at the door. The sound pounded in her aching head. The wine hadn't been as good of a friend as she'd thought.

"What the hell?" she mumbled to herself, stumbling out of bed and to the door, still in the nightgown she'd been wearing for days.

"Who is it?" she asked behind the closed door.

"It's Jimmy. Can I please come in?"

"Richard isn't here. Go away!" she called, annoyed at the uninvited guest.

"Can I please come in?" he repeated.

"What do you want?" she spat, cracking the door open. Jimmy looked at Lily curiously with her long red curls and floor length white nightgown, still stinking of wine. She recognized his voice from when they'd met and smelled the strong smell of tobacco coming off of him.

"We need to talk," he said in a matter-of-fact tone. He finished opening the door and let himself in, gently pushing past her and closing the door behind him. Taking a seat at the kitchen table he made himself comfortable and lit up a cigarette.

"I didn't say you were welcome here," Lily said with an indignant voice and a hint of fear. She didn't know this man and had no idea what he was capable of. She knew things she wasn't supposed to and was afraid now that it would come with a price.

"If you lay a hand on me..." she threatened in a wavering tone.

"Lily, right?" Jimmy asked nonchalantly.

"Yes," she answered in a small voice.

"Lily please have a seat. I just want to talk. Promise." He pushed out a chair from the table to invite her to sit. She heard him puffing on his cigarette and moving the chair. Reluctantly she took the offer and made her way to the chair to sit before him, uncomfortably fidgeting and smoothing her gown. Exhaling a long slow puff of smoke, Jimmy searched for the words to begin. He didn't really want to be there but he was desperate and somewhat sympathetic to the situation. A strained relationship with the mother of his child, Angela, had nearly come to a crashing end. He knew what it meant to hold on for dear life.

"What is it?" she asked, breaking the silence as he thought.

She heard rustling as he reached in his pocket and pulled out the small red box. He wasn't sure how to give it to her so he reached forward, took her hand and placed it in the palm. Her reflex was the pull away but she stopped herself before she could drop the box clumsily on the floor. She felt the shape and velvet fabric. It was a small jewelry box. She didn't have much jewelry but there were a few things that had been passed down through her mother that she treasured.

"What is this and why are you giving it to me?" she asked confused, setting the box down on the table, not wanting to touch it. She had a bad feeling about this unexpected gift.

He swallowed hard and took another drag of his smoke. He knew what was inside and thought to himself what a shame it was that she couldn't see it. Any woman he'd known would treasure a gift like that.

"I think it was meant for you."

"What are you talking about? I'm tiring of this nonsense," she snapped at him, annoyed at the slow, vague direction of this supposedly important conversation.

"Richard. He gave it to me, saying something about getting rid of it. He didn't need it anymore or something," he said, hoping to glean some hints from the girl. "I assumed it might be yours, or meant for you."

She sat, still and confused. Her voice weakened as she pushed back the urge to break down yet again.

"What is it?" she asked meekly.

Jimmy picked the box up from the table, opened it for her and took out the small ring. It was impeccable, golden and sparkling white with a single round diamond in the center that caught the morning light. He took her hand again and placed it delicately in the center of her palm. Closing her hand around it, she felt the shape of the hard metal and stone. Shaking her head, she opened her mouth to speak before cutting herself off, not knowing what to say.

"It's a diamond. With gold," he explained, pitying having to see this heart broken woman struggle to understand.

She played with it in her fingers for a moment, staring into the distance, unsure if she should try it on, though she wanted to. She took the meaning that Jimmy had danced around fairly quickly. He'd meant to ask for her hand. Questions swirled in her mind. How long had he been planning this? When would he have asked? Did he tell Jimmy his plans?

She touched her face and shook her head, not knowing what to say. Her expression was ripe with pain and confusion.

"I thought you should have it," he said plainly. "And I think you should know that he is planning to leave Atlantic City."

"What? Why? Where would he go?" she asked desperately.

"I don't know, Lily."

His hand had been played and he waited for a reaction. Jimmy valued Richard, maybe as much as Lily did, but not as a friend. He needed him. Richard was his secret weapon and he couldn't make a power play against Nucky without him. Everything was riding on how much support he could garner, from people that he could trust. And as much as Lily wanted him to stay, Jimmy needed Richard to stay. Money couldn't convince him, he'd already tried that. Lily was a last ditch effort. He had no idea what had happened to drive the wedge between the two of them, but he hoped it could be pushed aside. If you can't appeal to the head, the appeal to the heart.

Lily was torn. As angry as she'd been, she never thought of what would happen if Richard were actually gone forever. He was the only friend she'd had in as long as she could remember. She was struggling without her caretaker and her lover. And she never thought that Jimmy, this person who she thought was a monster, would do something so generous for her.

"You don't think he'd actually go do you?" she asked, with a glimmer of hope.

"He will," Jimmy replied bluntly, putting out his cigarette and standing up to leave.

"Well..." she trailed off. "Thank you."

Before walking out the door to leave he turned back to Lily who sat at the kitchen table, now breathing heavily with her face in her hands.

"He loves you, Lily. He told me that much."


	9. The Stranger

That evening, just as it was falling dark outside, Lily sat on the stoop outside of her apartment. She'd been there for hours, waiting most of the day for signs of Richard. He wasn't home, she already tried his door and there was no answer. With no one to contact or ask where he might be, she held on to the hope that she could catch him before he would leave for good. A hope that seemed more irrational with every moment.

The cool evening breeze blew through her hair and rustled her long skirt. It was mostly quiet except for the occasional sound of crickets chirping. She sat, resting her chin in her hands, occasionally chewing a fingernail or twirling a curl. She thought of everything that had happened and wished she could go back to a happier day. In her mind, she rehearsed what she might say to Richard if he returned, but none of it seemed to fit. Jimmy's words earlier that day had hit her hard.

Footsteps echoed up the walkway and Lily's heart skipped a beat. They stopped in front of her and hesitated for a moment. The man looked down at the young woman and found it strange that she didn't look directly at him, but rather to the side and with a confused look on her face.

"Yes," she asked to the wind.

"What's your name young lady?" an unfamiliar voice asked. The accent was thick and Italian, someone she'd never met before. Disappointed and suspicious, she didn't answer right away.

"Did you need something?" she asked, trying not to sound too rude, though she wanted nothing more than this stranger to leave her alone with her thoughts.

The man tilted his head as he looked at her curiously, slowing piecing the puzzle together. He waved a hand in front of her and she didn't react. Exhaling in a huff, he gave a crooked grin. This might make it easier than he had thought.

"You a friend of Jimmy's?" he asked bluntly.

Lily guarded her words, mistrustful of what this person may want from her. People had to prove themselves to her, and this man was no different.

"And you are?" she asked.

"Oh, I'm a friend of Jimmy's too. He has a message he'd like me to deliver to you. Hows abouts' we step inside to talk?"

"Deliver it then," she said curtly, hoping it was news of Richard.

"I think we should step inside," he said in the tone of an order.

"I'm comfortable where I am, thank you," she responded indignantly. "And how do you know I'm the person for your message if you don't even know my name?"

Grabbing her by the arm, the man forced Lily to stand and drug her toward the door. Pushing him away defiantly, she backed away aimlessly. He quickly grabbed her again and threw her against the door, hard. She stopped struggling as he gripped a hand firmly around her neck. Panic swept over her and she froze in place, breathing heavily.

"Listen little girl," the thug growled, so close to her face that she could feel his breath. "Where the fuck is Jimmy? I saw you with him earlier. Where'd he go?"

She gripped both hands around the arm holding her, trying to pry him off, but her strength was clearly no match. She grabbed and tugged at his suit sleeve, nearly ripping the fabric.

"I don't know," she pleaded, a tear starting to roll down her cheek. "Let me go!"

"Huh, well that's too bad," the man threatened with a cold tone. "I wonder if he'd miss you if you were gone?"

Scared for her life, Lily decided to fight back, kicking and clawing harder at his arm, managing to pry it off of her neck slightly. If this man meant to kill her, she at least wouldn't make it easy on him. Desperation took over and she was going to put up a struggle.

"Get off of me!" she screamed at the top of her lungs, "Help!"

He quickly swatted her hands away and pushed her harder into the door, getting a hand over her mouth. She breathed heavily into his hand, still trying desperately to push him away. Pausing for a moment, she felt him make a move to reach for something in his pocket.

"Oh God," she whispered, muffled into his hand, certain he was going for a weapon. But before she could find out, something made him hesitate and turn away, loosening his grip. She took the opportunity to break free, stumbling away from him confused and afraid. As she went to run aimlessly away, she caught the edge of her skirt and fell to the hard wooden floor of the porch.

Backing away while still on the ground she heard the man start to say something before hearing the deafeningly loud pop of a gunshot. A deep thud was muffled by Lily's screams as a spray of warm liquid sprinkled all over her. She covered her face with her hands, hyperventilating, terrified and confused. She had no idea what happened but the only pain she felt was in the hip she'd landed on when falling.

Footsteps rushed toward her and she felt someone kneel and touch her face. Instinct kicked in again and she began screaming and pushing the hand away in a panic.

"Lily, Lily, shhhh... It's alright. It's me," a familiar voice comforted her.

"Oh God, Richard," she cried out grasping to pull him closer.

Stashing the gun back in its holster, he lifted Lily back up to her feet. She buried her head in his chest and clung to him as she'd done many times before. He allowed her just a moment before pushing away.

"Are you alright?" he asked.

"Yes, yes I'm fine. What happened Richard? Is he..." the word stuck in her throat.

"Yes," he answered plainly.

"Who was he?"

"I don't know. He isn't familiar. What did he want with you Lily?" Trying to remain calm and strong for Lily's sake was more difficult that it was usually. Richard wasn't one to act out of anger, but it was bubbling toward the surface. He'd rather not think about what might have happened had he not been returning home that evening.

"I don't know. Something about Jimmy? Wanting to know where Jimmy was?" she answered frantically. "Oh God Richard I think he was going to kill me."

Richard turned to inspect the body, finding that the man did have a knife in his pocket. He took it and tossed it to the side, looking around to see that no one saw what happened. The neighborhood was still quiet with only the sound of crickets in the night air. He quickly turned his thoughts to action. They needed to clean up this mess and find out what was going on.

He grasped Lily by the shoulders and went to lead her to the door. "Lily, you need to get inside. You are safe now."

"No! No," she protested. "Please don't leave me alone."

"Lily."

"Please, please," her voice cracked, still afraid.

"Alright." He led her to his apartment, giving her a towel to clean up with as she sat on the bed. He made quick work of hiding the body from plain view and called Jimmy to tell him what happened. Lily listened to the half-conversation, feeling that she'd been drawn in to this scary new reality so far that there may be no going back.


	10. The Future

"Lily, lie down and try to rest, please," Richard pleaded with her as she sat up on the bed, still visibly shaken.

There was some scuffling outside as Jimmy and Eli took care of the situation on the porch. Lily heard low voices through the door as the men discussed what brought on the attack. Eli wanted to question her more about what happened but Richard wouldn't let him.

"Who is she?" Eli growled suspiciously at Jimmy.

"No one," he paused, looking to Richard who was obviously concerned. "Richard's neighbor. She doesn't know anything."

"Then why the fuck was he coming after her looking for you?"

"I don't know. It doesn't matter. It's done," Jimmy said dismissively. "Probably some associate of the D'Alessio's. They had friends. Not many, but they did."

"I can't deal with any more of this shit, Jimmy!"

"You don't have to. It's done." Jimmy snapped, getting agitated at Eli's arrogance and accusations.

Richard interrupted calmly to excuse himself and go back inside to tend to Lily. As he went, Jimmy and Eli took their leave to go home. Lily was still sitting on the edge of the bed inside, plain dress dotted with red.

"What was all the commotion, Richard? Is everything alright?"

"Yes. Yes. It was nothing," he assured her as he came to take the dirty towel that she was gripping firmly in her hands. He could see the stress and fear on her face. This shouldn't have happened to her.

"You need a change of clothes..." Before he could finish his thought, Lily snatched at him, hugging him around the waist as he stood before her. There was a desperation to her firm grip and he tried his best to comfort and shush her as she began to cry.

"Please calm down, Lily. It's over. I promise. You are safe now."

"I'm scared," she choked out between muffled sobs. She was afraid but wasn't exactly sure of what or whom. "I don't understand."

"Please let me get you a change of clothes, at least," he asked, trying to distract her in hopes that it would calm her down. "It will only take a moment and I'll be right next door."

"Alright," she conceded, listening as left to go to her apartment next door. She tried to steady her breathing and stop crying as she waited. Though it hadn't been very long, she'd tried very hard to forget what it felt like to hold him in her arms. But now, she remembered and remembered why she loved it so much.

Next door, Richard rummaged through her closet and chest of drawers looking for something clean for her to sleep in. He pulled out a light yellow night gown and looked at it for a moment. He'd come so close to losing her, by his own foolish decisions or by the hand of this stranger. It wouldn't happen again.

Returning, he found Lily more composed as she waited for him. He helped her out of the blouse and skirt and into the clean gown in silence. She didn't bother to ask him to leave the room or turn away and he didn't bother to offer.

"Ouch," she cried out as his hand grazed her hip that was now turning black and blue. She ran her hand gently over the area. "How bad is it?"

"It's just a bruise. It will heal in time. Just be careful." As he watched her hands he caught sight of something on her finger. He looked more closely and recognized the ring, wondering where she had gotten it before quickly piecing it together. Jimmy must have given it to her. He wondered what he'd told her when he gave her the ring. Swallowing hard, he didn't say a word about it.

He offered Lily his bed, as he wouldn't make her sleep alone in her apartment that night. Crawling under the covers in the small bed she settled in as Richard dug through suitcases to find a change of clothes for himself. She couldn't see that all of his belongings were already packed away. He'd planned to leave town the next day, though those plans were quickly changing.

He laid a extra blanket down as he sat, ready to sleep on the floor.

"Richard?"

"Yes?"

"Please," she pushed the blankets aside and patted on the space in the bed next to her. There was hardly room for two people in the tiny creaky thing.

Without hesitation he crawled in next to her and they lay, facing each other, nearly nose to nose. She reached up and ran a trembling finger though his hair slowly. They both remembered what it felt like to be so close, how good it felt.

"I can't stop shaking," she said quietly. "I was so afraid. If you hadn't..."

"Lily, please. Let's not."

She sighed deeply, knowing he was right. The train of thought she was going down had an unpleasant end that she'd rather not think about. If she'd been angry with Richard, lying there next to him again, she didn't want to remember it.

"Richard?"

"Yes?"

"I've been so lonely," she confessed. "I was just so angry. I was so afraid I could never trust you again."

She pushed away from him for a moment as he watched, opening his mouth to speak.

"I still don't know if I can, Richard." Her voice was weak and confused. "I just don't understand it. Any of it. I don't..."

He reached out to touch her face and tried to interrupt, but she stopped him before he could.

"Just listen," she demanded. "I've felt alone for a long time. I can be in a room full of people and I can't even see them. I might as well be entirely alone."

She paused and took a deep breath before continuing to spill the words that had been circling in her head all day.

"But since I met you I just didn't feel so alone anymore. And the thought of my life without you in it. I just don't want it. No one else can understand what it is to be me, Richard."

"I know," he said simply. He knew what it meant to be alone and unwanted. He was reminded of it more often than not.

"I don't understand it. The things you do. And Jimmy. And it scares me Richard, it does. The guns. The whole mess of it scares me."

He listened with lines of worry drawing in on his forehead. He didn't want to revisit this and still wasn't willing to try and explain. There was no decent way to excuse it and he was done with the lies. As much as she knew, she knew and that was that.

"But I do know this much," she continued. "I don't want you to leave here. I love you. And the rest of it I'll just figure out later, alright?"

He sighed and ran his fingers through her beautiful hair that he'd always loved so much. Pulling her in closer, he looked into her eyes, imagining that they could see him. That they saw him as she did, without judgment, fear or pity.

"I'm not leaving," he promised, taking her hand and twisting the ring in his fingers. She'd almost forgotten she'd been wearing it.

"And what of this?" he asked. She took his unspoken meaning.

"I don't know what to say," she replied honestly, visibly concerned. The thought of marriage was frightening and she knew she wasn't ready.

"Then think nothing of it. It was a gift and I'm glad it found you."

Hands finally holding steady, she leaned in to him and kissed familiar lips, paying no mind to the scraping tin that brushed her cheek.

* * *

><p><em>And that is the end for now. Leaving it open to continue in another story later. Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed. Please feel free to leave a review. <em>


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